Wednesday, February 13, 2008

When Serum Turns to Water

THE EMAIL I WROTE DID HURT HER FEELINGS...MADE HER SAD AND PUZZLED. BUT NOT ANGRY. SHE SAID I WAS RUDE AND INAPPROPRIATE. AND SHE WAS SAD AND PUZZLED. BUT NOT ANGRY. PUZZLING.

SHE WANTED TO HANDLE THE CONFLICT BY EMAIL. SO I WROTE AN EMAIL. A VERY LONG EMAIL. IT TOOK 3 HOURS TO GET IT JUST RIGHT.

THIS TIME I WASN'T TRYING TO GET IT TO READ RIGHT. I WAS TRYING TO GET IT TO WRITE RIGHT. SO THAT I WOULD BE SATISFIED THAT WHAT WAS IN MY HEAD WAS WHAT WAS ON THE PAPER.

NOW I KNOW THAT WHAT I HAVE ON THE PAPER WILL BE READ WITH A WHOLE SET OF ASSUMPTIONS AND BIASES THAT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT, ANY MORE THAN I KNOW HER GLASSES PRESCRIPTION.

AND TO THINK...I THOUGHT I REALLY KNEW HER.


NOW I WAIT...

When Blood Turns to Serum

THERE IS NO FEELING IN THE WORLD MORE HORRIBLE THAN THAT FOLLOWING AN ARGUMENT WITH A VERY CLOSE FRIEND. WHEN THE SITUATION IS LEFT UNRESOLVED, WHEN I COME AWAY KNOWING THAT I DIDN'T BEHAVE ACCORDING TO HER EXPECTATIONS FOR APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR, AND WORSE, WHEN I HAVE ANGRY FEELINGS THAT I CAN'T GET OUT OF ME OR OFF OF ME, THERE'S A MISERABLE NIGHT AHEAD. I HAVE NO ENERGY TO DO ANYTHING; I CAN BARELY FEED THE CATS. I DON'T FEED MYSELF. I LIE IN BED, FALL ASLEEP, WAKE UP, SMOKE CIGARETTES, DON'T CARE ABOUT TELEVISION OR UNDRESSING OR BRUSHING MY TEETH. I SIT IN A VACUUM OF THE TIME/SPACE CONTINUUM UNTIL...

I HAD AN INSIGHT REGARDING WHAT SET ME OFF DOWN THE WRONG TRAIL INTO MY BLACK FOREST OF NEUROSIS WITH MY FRIEND. I WROTE HER AN EMAIL ABOUT IT LAST NIGHT. THE EXPLAINING WAS GRUELING WORK, WHAT WITH TRYING TO GET THE WORDING JUST SO, SO AS TO MAKE MYSELF CLEAR AND YET NOT HURT HER FEELINGS ANY FURTHER. IT'S BEEN 24 HOURS AND I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK FROM HER.

MAYBE I NEVER WILL. BUT I CAN'T GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS WITHOUT SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT FROM HER THAT IT REALLY WAS WHAT IT WAS. THAT WOULD BE WALKING WILLINGLY INTO THE PRISON AGAIN, AND I AM NOT READY TO DO THAT FOR THE SAKE OF THE FRIENDSHIP. MAYBE AFTER A LONGER PERIOD OF ABSTINENCE I WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE A SACRIFICE OF THAT MAGNITUDE. NOT NOW. NOT YET.

Friday, February 8, 2008

On Writing

I write this business hoping for something. Hoping that somebody will read it and think, "My goodness, that comes from the mind of a creative, witty, thoughtful person whose ideas I'd like to know more about."
EVERYBODY ON THE PLANET WRITES A BLOG WITH THE THOUGHT THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL READ THEIR BLOG AND THINK,
"My goodness, that comes from the mind of a creative, witty, thoughtful person whose ideas I'd like to know more about."


Subject matter.
Style.
Context.
Don't matter.
ONE THING MATTERS.
"My goodness, that comes from the mind of a creative, witty, thoughtful person whose ideas I'd like to know more about."

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Discourse Between Ex-Spouses

HE WRITES:


New Year Exercise Routine

You might want to take it easy at first, do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN...






































NOW SCROLL UP..

That's enough for the first day. Great job!





SHE WRITES:



Hi!

As you know, I'm a slow unpacker.

So I just now got to this email. [I won't tell you when I got to my "foundations"]

Anyway. I made it through the first part of the exercise!...but really that part was so strenuous, I'll have to wait, what? is it 2 days they say now?...to try to do the whole thing.

But I really do like it! Thank you for thinking of me!! It's right down my alley!!! Expecially since I don't bowl anymore. But I do stream-of-consciousness pretty well. They don't let me outside to those kinds of streams...mostly the ones in old converted bowling allies...like the French were in WWII.

I have to go now...time for my EST. You can read all about it in Ch. XXIII of the Text Book of American Psychiatry as Practiced from 1912 to 1951.

P.S. [Don't tell them I said this] child was very grateful for the 'green help' you sent him [so am I!] I got him some burgandy Vasque boots--just like the ones he wore to Anasazi--that's what he wanted--for his new job as a window washer. I'm really proud of him.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

I'm always there at just the wrong time

I was in Grand Central Station on February 24, 2003. For a Texas girl it was a thrill to walk through that huge hall that I'd seen (but not smelled) in so many movies! But my Day of Glory missed this Day of Frozen Glory by five years, eleven months, and 24 days: